


Kitty Princess Stiles is In Heat!

by Rrrowr



Category: Star Trek, Supernatural, Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Animals, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Bad Fic, Catboys & Catgirls, Crack, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-20
Updated: 2013-10-20
Packaged: 2017-12-29 22:18:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1010772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rrrowr/pseuds/Rrrowr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Written for Bad Fic Idol at Wincon 2013</p>
<p>Kitty Princess Stiles is in heat and needs to find the perfect cock for him. Luckily, he has help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kitty Princess Stiles is In Heat!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry.

Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away, there was a kitty princess named Stiles. Being a kitty princess, Stiles was naturally beautiful with a sleek fluffy brown tail and a wild mess of perfect chocolate hair that was the envy of everyone on the planet. Now that Kitty Princess Stiles was sixteen, he was very concerned about going into heat soon and therefore had to get cock right now if he was going to survive the week. It was very stressful.

He batted his big amber honeycomb eyes up at his father and said, “Daddy, I need you to find me a cock. It has to be a very pretty cock.”

“What, now?” King Stilinski asked.

“Well I’m sixteen,” Princess Stiles pointed out – very sensibly despite the fact that the phallic looking vase on the other side of the room was making him feel feverish.

“Oh, right,” the king said. “I guess that makes sense.”

“It really doesn’t,” Stiles replied, fanning himself. “Biologically speaking, anything could influence the onset of my heat. Like my diet, or the weather, or that sexy phone call from the telemarketer last month who wanted to sell me a horse dildo.”

King Stilinski looked up sharply. “What?”

Stiles batted his lashes innocently. “What?” (If his father hadn’t noticed the addition to the royal budget, Stiles wasn’t going to say anything.)

Later that afternoon, Stiles’ father’s best deputy, Castiel Novak came by. He was straight-faced – but not like, sexuality straight, obviously – as he handed over the folder of potential heat mates for Stiles to pick from. When Stiles began looking through the pictures of (admittedly quite gorgeous) penises, Castiel asked, “Do you need any help?”

Feeling overwhelmed, Stiles nodded. “What do you know about cocks?”

Castiel didn’t smirk but he seemed as if he would be if he had any expression beyond sad and doe-eyed, and Stiles felt his cheeks turn as red as a spanked monkey’s ass. Five minutes later, Stiles was face to face with Castiel’s engorged member, watching as it grew to an epic eleven inches.

“Wow,” said Stiles.

“Thank you,” said Castiel.

For the next hour, it turned out Stiles was as natural at giving head as he was beautiful, able to deep throat as easily as the most professional of prostitutes (according to Castiel, anyway, which seemed like a decent endorsement considering that Castiel’s husband, Spock, was on the Board of Professional Sex Workers, so clearly he must be well informed.)

Afterward, Castiel called his husband and said, “I was thinking that he might have some tips,” he explained, then thrust his phone at Stiles.

“Oh,” Stiles said, dazed. “Okay.”

“Your Kitty Princessness,” Spock said seriously. “I‘m sending a package with a delivery boy now.”

“Package. Right,” Stiles echoed, thinking of packages of an entirely different sort. He hoped it was big.

“You are already beginning to self-lubricate, I imagine,” Spock continued – and now that Stiles’ thought about it, his underwear was feeling rather damp. “There are some things that you will need for your heat. And condoms.”

Stiles pouted a little bit, but as Spock yammered on about sexual preparation and the kinds of (terrifying) physical changes to expect, being a kitty princess, there was a knock at the door. Castiel answered and Stiles stopped listening to Spock. 

“Ah, a courier,” Castiel said and let in the bulky, naked, hairy man who was at the door. He had a package held in front of him.

“I’m Derek,” the courier said gruffly. “I’m here for you.”

Stiles’ tail flicked to the side. He felt very warm. When Derek set the package down on Stiles’ desk, the massive dick that he revealed was awfully familiar. Stiles dove for the files and flipped through the pictures until he found the one that he’d thought was most appealing. He held up the photo against Derek’s thigh and sighed happily.

“So you are,” he said, and they lived happily ever after, the end.


End file.
